Eternity of Death
by Tarafina
Summary: A lifetime of today's... :FM Radio:


**Title**: Eternity of Death  
**Category**: CSI: NY  
**Rating**: T  
**Genre**: Tragedy/Romance  
**Pairing**: Don Flack/Lindsay Monroe  
**Prompt**: Gun  
**Word Count**: 1,350  
**Summary**: A lifetime of today's...

**_Eternity of Death_**

He handed in his badge today. Tossed it down on the desk and set his gun right next to it. Probably should've given it to his superior, but for some reason at the end of the day, he placed it in front of Mac. Mac looked up at him, pity and apology in his expression but he said nothing, just gave a nod of understanding. He put them both in his drawer, as if for safekeeping until he wanted them back, but all Don did was shake his head and walk away. He wasn't coming back. He was done. Goodbye Detective Don Flack Jr. The legacy had ended. His father could gripe all the hell he wanted, Don didn't want it anymore.

He disconnected his phone today. He didn't want anymore calls. He didn't care if the answering machine was full, he didn't listen to the messages anyway. He threw it in the garbage and then he yanked the phone right out from its jack in the wall. It shattered into a million little pieces when he chucked it across the room. He was tired of the ringing and the beeping and the "Don, I'm so sorry... I just heard... Please call me... She wouldn't want this..." He was tired of the voices and the pleading and the pity. He was done with co workers and friends and especially family. He didn't ever want to hear anybody apologize for what happened ever again.

He put a new lock on the door today. Too many friends knew where the key was, he couldn't put up with it anymore. He didn't want Danny dropping in to make sure he was still breathing. He didn't want their pep talks or his ma's coddling. He didn't want her hand stroking his hair as she told him over and over it was going to be all right. He didn't want to hear any of it; didn't want to see any of them. So he had a locksmith come over, took the only key that would fit and he stuffed it in a drawer until he was ready to use it. At this moment, he was thinking that day would never come.

Her engagement ring arrived today. He wanted it to be just right for, so he took her three favorite rings and he brought them in to the jeweler's to design something unique to her. It arrived two week's later; he found the package in the mailbox; a brown envelope with a red velvet box inside. She'd never see it now. He didn't tell anyone, didn't show anybody; he put it away in his dresser drawer and refused to touch it until the right time.

He took his daughter home today. She stayed at Stella's for the last few weeks, but he was finally able to bring her home. She cried when she saw him, her words were muffled but he knew she was asking for her mom. He just hugged her, buried his face in her brown hair and he cried. He promised her that it was going to be okay. That he'd take care of her. That he'd never let anything happen to her. And he told himself that this time, he'd keep his promise. Because he couldn't keep it to her mother; he couldn't save Lindsay from that bullet. But he had his girl in his arms and he'd make it up to her. He'd do it right this time. Hell, if he had to make her wear a bullet proof vest for the rest of her life, he would.

He got a new job today. He didn't like it; it didn't feel right, but he kept it. Because as much as the shield called him, he couldn't go back to it. He couldn't be a detective anymore, not with how much it hurt him in the end. She'd been right there, just a few feet to his right. A little silver bullet right through the jugular and he had to hold her as she bled out all over him, gasping for air, her fingers digging into his arm as she struggled. He wouldn't watch it happen again; he wouldn't step out into New York as the same Detective. It wasn't in him.

His daughter started kindergarten today. She asked him if her mom would be there and he could barely tell her that she wasn't going to be there for a lot of things like this. She didn't understand death still; didn't understand why she hadn't come home. Every night she prayed that when she woke up, her mom would be there, and every morning she wasn't. Some nights, he fell asleep begging God would do him and his daughter just this one favor. But by the time he woke up, groggy and exhausted, God hadn't granted him anything but another miserable day.

He went on a date today. All he did the whole time was wonder if Lindsay was watching him right then. He hadn't been all that religious in his life, but he couldn't help the feeling that she never really left him. It was corny but he sort've thought not even death could keep them apart. He found himself dating women a lot like her; in looks or personality. But they never matched up and he never felt right. So he gave it up; figured if he was meant to date somebody else, it'd happen. For now, the only woman he cared to spend his life with was his little girl.

He visited her grave today. Ten year anniversary and it still hurt. The wound was healing and maybe one day, he might just move on. But as much as his ma had told him it'd be okay, most days he felt like he was just getting by. Their daughter started high school; she was the prettiest girl in all of New York. And he stayed true to his promise; the worst thing she'd suffered through was the time she blew chunks on her teacher and when she went to the principal's office for punching a kid who called her names. She had the Flack right hook and she clocked him good. But in her mom's kind way, she made it up to him and eventually even became good friends with the kid. Go figure.

He died today. His daughter was married to a good guy; the kind of guy he knew would take care of her. He gave her away at her wedding, even teared up a bit during the ceremony. There was a moment where he felt Lindsay's hand in his; he knew nobody else would understand, but he swore he could feel it. He felt her head on his shoulder, could hear her sigh of content at how romantic it all was. And when he closed his eyes, he could feel her warmth, hear her voice, and forget that she was gone. It was only a year and a half after the wedding when his heart started acting up. A stroke and one fatal heart attack later and he was finally let go from the life that seemed to drag on since her death. He loved his daughter with all his heart but now that he knew she was safe and cared for, he was ready to go.

He saw her today. There was no bright light, no harmonious music, no voice from God telling him what to do. She was just standing there with that sweet half-smile of hers, her head tipped as if waiting for him to say something. She lifted a hand out to him and he took it, walking off with her into whatever was left for them now. And for once in all the years since her death, he finally felt like he could breathe again. Like the night wasn't going to hurt and the day wasn't going to drag. So maybe he didn't get to spend the rest of his life with her, but he had an eternity of death by her side, and he guessed that was enough.


End file.
